FAQs
Question: Who makes
them?
Answer:
Me. My name is Cindy Atmore. I'm an artist and
writer and the Queen of Cindythings, my fun online pop art empire which you are
visiting right now! I'm also an avid TV cooking show lover, cooking lover,
baking lover, cookbook collector and lover, recipe lover, TV lover, eating lover, apron
lover, domestic goddess, afternoon tea queen, cupcake queen, apple pie queen,
plum jam queen, candy girl--and the next TV cooking show star!
Hey, it could happen! Here I am with an escapee from the Candy Mentalists
Gallery, I can't remember which one he is, but he looks like the Amazing Kreskin
to me!
Question: Why did I make them?
Answer:
I started making Candy figures a few years ago partly to see
if I could capture a portrait likeness in sugar paste, and also to have some
fun with some friends, a bunch of mentalists coming over for a party! I
was going to put them on a cake. So I started out making Candy
Mentalists, went on to make
Candy Magicians for a feature in MAGIC Magazine and for its big MAGIC
Live! convention in Las Vegas, and then to be extremely politically active
without having to think too hard, I made all the Candy Candidates in the 2008
presidential race! You can find all of those in their own galleries here
at Cindythings, check them out! Now I've made the Candy TV Chefs because
I've always loved TV cooking shows and have always secretly thought it would be fun to have my own
as long as I didn't have to
be able to do anything really difficult like cook, talk in complete sentences in
front of a camera, or have a recipe end in anything but total disaster because
someone was watching. I've got that all figured out, I'm going to be the
first TV chef who just looks like one and just invites the studio audience to
McDonald's when my pizza catches fire, my chocolate layer cake filling explodes
out the side of the cake, or my
Beef Wellington hits the floor! I am ready for my close up, camera
three! Food Network and PBS, please don't fight over me! I have
enough Appearance of Kitchen Expertise to go around! Now who wants fries
with that?
Question: Where are they kept?
Answer:
The Candy TV Chefs live in the Witness Protection Program in Toledo, Ohio.
Is Toledo in Ohio? Okay, I made that up. Actually they are crowded
onto a vintage Holly Hobbie tray on my dining room table arguing about how to
make a souffle at the moment and living in fear of the next time my cat Tiki
jumps over them and knocks them all over. And bats them around. And
knocks one's head off. And maybe an arm or two. Cats with extra
thumbs have no respect for edible art.
Question: What am I going to do with them?
Answer:
Probably get hungry watching cooking shows and eat them!
Or challenge the host of Man Vs. Food, Adam Richman, to eat them all in one
sitting! Or maybe make Essence of Candy TV Chef Foam in the blender.
I watch Top Chef, I know all about trendy gourmet things like foam. Okay,
no, I really don't know how to make a foam. Foam is so last week anyway. Candy TV Chefs are the new foam! By next
year every top restaurant will be serving a little Candy Gordon Ramsay on every
plate or they'll lose all their #&@% Michelin stars!
Question: How do I make them?
Answer:
Answer A: My recipe is a patented trade secret kept in a
vault guarded by a cat with extra thumbs who is willing to use them if
necessary. I will have to kill you if I tell you, if she doesn't first.
And besides I already told you. Answer B:
I'm not really sure, it just happens, would that be a problem for my cooking
show episode on Candy TV Chefs, I wonder? Maybe I could fill the half hour
playing with a string with Tiki! Answer C: Drinking Frappuccinos, eating
corndogs with mustard, listening to Food Network 24/7 and a 48 hour "Benson"
marathon on videotape--Benson is a 1980's TV sitcom starring Robert Guillaume
and most of it takes place in the kitchen of a governor's mansion! Also dressed
in a Holly Hobbie apron, I was going through a Holly Hobbie phase, it's a
pop art thing. I'm sure Andy Warhol had his Holly Hobbie phase too.
I suspect it was when he did his soup cans. Don't look up the dates, I'm
sure I'm right.
Question: Can I buy one?
Answer: Yes,
for one million dollars--or if you give me my own TV Cooking Show--I think I
forgot to mention I want one? And one million dollars! I'll have
both, please. I'm thinking if I say please nicely it will be more likely
to happen. Smithsonian, you'd better hurry before someone snaps one of
them up and you can't have the entire collection! Donald Trump are you
listening?
Question: Who is
your favorite TV Chef?
Answer:
Funny you should ask! Me! Okay, if I had to pick a
second choice... Me! I'm so consistent. Pop artists like
repetition. And anyway I really can't pick just one favorite TV chef, I
love them all, and I have the restraining orders to prove it!
Question: What is
your favorite recipe out of all the famous tv chef's recipes?
AnsweR:
My own recipe for Mexican Green Chicken Enchiladas! But it
is very hard finding a Mexican Green Chicken so I rarely make them unless I have
my own TV Cooking Show budget that will afford a three year long search for one
in Acapulco along with a furnished private holiday luxury apartment complete
with private pool. I also really liked The Two Fat Ladies
gingerbread recipe I once made that foamed all over my oven like something out
of a horror movie, that one was fun! I wonder if it was supposed to do
that?
Question:
How many candy TV
chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
AnsweR:
None. They are sick of the light from all the flashbulbs
from all the paparazzi who follow me around asking when I'm getting my own TV
Cooking Show, so they prefer to be in the dark, in a dark room, at night.
They like to be alone. I think they look at cookbooks with flashlights but
I'm not sure, I don't like to ask in case I embarrass them. Candy TV Chefs
are so easily embarrassed. I think it's because they can't reach the back
of the stove, it's given them a Napoleonic sized inferiority complex. As soon as they seem to get over
it, one of them falls in a big pot of soup trying to fetch out a bay leaf and
it's a giant setback all over again. The therapy bills are killing me, the
Candy Therapist won't let them do group therapy because they all fight.
They can be such prima donnas! A couple of them even swear! So they have to go
solo.
Question: Why
don't you have your own TV cooking show?
Answer: Maybe
my parents were right! They always said if I played with my food I'd never
grow up and have my own TV Cooking Show! Waah! Well, I guess this
means there's no reason to stop wearing olives on my fingers and picking the chocolate coating off of Ho Ho's before carefully unwinding them!
Question:
Is it true the louvre museum wants to dedicate an entire wing to the CAndy TV
chefs?
Answer: Yes,
it is true, and thank you for asking, Smithsonian Museum! The Louvre said
a lot of things in the congratulations letter they sent me, I can't really
read
French, but I think it's funny how rude the French language can come across, I'm not
much of a translator but it almost sounded like "restraining order" and "100
meters" or something or other. So I'm just taking that as a yes
because otherwise they wouldn't have sent such an official nice letter with the
seal of the Chief of La Surete Nationale on it. Clearly they're going to
give the Candy TV Chefs a 100 meter display and cordon them off to restrain the
admiring and hungry crowds. But I'm not too worried about the hungry
crowd, no one will be able to make up their mind which color wine to serve with
them. As anyone in America would know, the only appropriate choice is
orange soda.
question: are the
candy tv chefs available for media appearances?
Answer:
I'm sorry to say they took a vote amongst
themselves last week and have unionized. They all agreed they are now
Too Big for TV cooking shows and will now only appear in their own self-titled
sitcoms or on Dancing with the Stars. They also charge for photos with
fans and autographs, and please, don't even think of interrupting them if
they're dining out someplace, the little butter knives will fly! They are
little divas. I've warned them though, if Martha Stewart or Rachael Ray or
Paula Deen or Sandra Lee invites them on a show, they're going to put on their
best aprons and come with me and behave themselves or I'll put them in the food processor on
pulverize. But if Bobby Flay invites them on a show I told them they can
just behave as badly as they want. I have a very publicity-worthy
celebrity feud going with Bobby Flay--AP and TMZ and Radaronline and Perez are
you paying attention? Bobby knows What He Did. I refuse
to accept his apology if he apologizes, not after What He Did. Not unless
he asked us all on his show, maybe, and made us a pizza. I would go on but I wouldn't speak to him
except to say thank you for the pizza and pass the chili peppers, not after What
He Did. Please don't ask me to reveal What He Did for less than one
million dollars, Radaronline, I am too deeply miffed to reveal all for less.
Question:
Are you out of stupid questions to pretend to ask yourself about the candy tv
chefs?
Answer:
Pretty much!
If you have any other questions for me, please feel free to
contact
me! If I am not in the middle of posing for publicity stills
for my own TV Cooking Show and Companion Cookbook like below! Look out
Bobby Flay, I'm angling for your time slot! I don't have time for a
hostile takeover of your restaurant empire until next week, I'm busy meeting
with Radaronline about something.
TV cooking
empire, here i come!
